I do all the things you used to hate. I dye my hair colors that make the church ladies stare. I go to bed without dinner and subside entirely on air. I make tea and pour cream in after. I give up reading. I give up The Beatles. I never eat another plate of scrambled eggs. I shape myself into someone you would dislike. My speech sharpens. My teeth turn to fangs. I let go of the softness that drew you to me. My fingernails itch to become claws and I don’t fight it. This is what it takes to survive. I let people into my bed that I would have walked right past with you. He is sad-eyed and needs my flimsy paper wrists to support him. I pour every late night with you into him, until he says, ‘I love you, I love you’ and I say, ‘Shh, you’ll ruin the fun.’ I do what it takes to forget you, and at the end, have more bruises than the ones I started with, but I can finally look at a sunset and not feel anything at all.
I Practice Death To Forget You | Lora Mathis (via soggypoetry)
<p><!— more —>blah i honestly dont know if talking to you just now hurt more or less than not talking to you and i should really get a private blog bc i dont wnat you to have to read these but god i dont know i thought it was good but i’m so terrified of it all i just blahhhhhh i need air
what did you do to nate lol
asked by Anonymous
oh my god leave me alone